Autism - a Fathers Perspective

It is a well recorded fact that being male and female, fathers and mothers react differently to the complex range of situations that come with family life. This is especially true when confronted with the birth of a child who has autism. The actual diagnosis of autism could take a number of years before being fully recognised.

Certainly in the case of my own daughter there were a number of changes before she was finally diagnosed as having autism along with ADHD. Being able to understand and cope with the situation is not helped, in this instance, by a variance of diagnosis.

Accepting that your child is not developing as expected can be one of the main areas of conflict between parents. This is especially true in the case of the father, as the mother will naturally want to give that child all the love and attention they need, resulting in the father possibly feeling left out or inadequate. As the father normally goes out to work there can be a tendency to leave most of the childcare to the mother instead of taking a share of the extra load. Where this happens, there is a lack of strong bonding between the child and the father leading to the father distancing himself from the child.

All children need to feel wanted and loved by both parents. It is part of the responsibility of being a father to nurture and build a close relationship with your children. If one of your children is autistic this is of particular importance as they might well not have the ability to communicate their feelings to others.

Our own upbringing, and the society that we live in, can have a dramatic effect on how we cope with having an autistic child. Their needs are more complex, and are often not immediately recognised by those outside of the child’s family environment. The role of the father can be of major importance in ensuring that everything possible is put in place to help the family understand and cope with this stressful situation. This could well involve some changes in our own attitudes and outlook.

As the father of a child that has autism, I would say to anyone in a similar situation that the rewards from building a loving and close relationship with your child far outweigh the extra time and effort needed. There is no greater reward than hearing your own child say “ I love you” and to see the smile on their face as you spend quality time together. Do not be discouraged by the opinions of others who do not understand. Start to show your love and develop a close relationship with your child straightaway. You will reap the benefits for years to come.

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